My Fluid Thoughts.

So I am starting this 30 days of notes thing because I thought it might be therapeutic..so here goes!

Day 1. To my best friend… I totally got sappy and teared a little while writing these…

Well, I have three…

To Bailey:

Well, we have not always been REAL best friends…just default best friends…. But as of late (last year?) we really have been there for each other with the love and support that defines a best friend, and I hope you feel the same. I appreciate and respect your opinions and appreciate your lack of judgment when I get myself into huge messes and don’t take your advice.. Thank you.. I truly truly do not know what I would do without a friend like you. I love you!

To Stef:

Hmm, well we are rollercoaster best friends, and always have been…but I always have loved you and our friendship none the less.. I think recently we have come across some complications in our friendship but have come through it with grace and love and I am so thankful for you and for you understanding me (even though I know I am difficult, and hard to understand lately) Thank you for your patience. We have been friends for so long and I am so glad to have you and that we have all grown up into “little women” together (although we act like 5 year olds at times) I just can’t wait to see where the future takes us all. Thanks for sticking with me. I love you, Heff.

To Dayna:

Well looking back, we started our friendship basing it off of loving the smell of the same (tiny) perfume!!!  Thank God for Ralph Lauren!!! You and I are truly an insane duo and I think even though we annoy the crap out of each other at times, it works in a sick way. I get you, and you get me…. You are family in my book and I am so glad to have you close again. We are always there for each other and I pray that we will never stop. I think we can respect our differences and we know how to make things work, which is great. We can be a thousand miles apart and be calling each other crying at the same time…Who else can do that with their best friend? I love you, and thank you for putting up with the insanity that I call my life!

Yes it is. Change is happening big time. It has happened, school has started and we have moved into our first apartment!!! It is most definitely different from living at home. Things are good and bad about it. Lots of roommate adjustments and accommodations. I am struggling to get used to a lot of the alone time I have been having. As I have stated before…Julie and alone do not work well together..they never have. So that is different. I miss little things like making dinner for my family every night like I did living with my parents…and I miss watching Jeopardy with my dad every night at 7. I just need to find a new someone to do those things with/for..which will happen eventually. I never thought that leaving again would be hard for me since at one point I was so itching and ready to get the hell out. I guess it is scary now because never again will I be their little girl living under their roof (as long as I can help it) and it is really time to launch and be on my own and grow up. I am sure in a few weeks the initial shock of change will be through and I will really love my new life out here, all good things take time. I guess I just need patience. 

On a lighter note~ 21st birthday is right around the corner!!! Can’t wait to celebrate with all of the people I love.

Bring it all on!

Patiently yours,

Js. <3

It never ceases to amaze me how things can be so pleasant and effortless sometimes! Its great. Still looking for a new job, and fighting off various sicknesses…but life is pretty alright these days ( praying not to jinx myself!) One week left of having summer school 4 days a week…then hopefully I can take a real vacation!!! I just wanna make no plans and go somewhere…drive north…like the carolinas or someplace pretty and relax. I am feeling a bit stir crazy with a travel bug! Have to start really cracking down on my future plans. Stef, Kaylee, Anna and I move in in August which is just around the corner and I cannot be more ansy and excited! UCF better get ready for us! Living with my parents has recently started to present new challenges and obstacles in my life which are frustrating beyond measure…but I guess, at 20 years old…I should be uncomfortable living at home..ITS TIME TO GO! haha. My summer classes are VERY educational… Biology of Human Sexuality- which I recommend to any and everyone. So much information that people should know in life! I feel like after taking the class I am personally responsible for educating everyone I know! (which has become blatantly clear to my friends…sorry guys!) The second class is Ethics and Critical Thinking… which is a class I only took because it was open…yes, it is just as boring as the title leads on…At the same time, the subjects are pretty interesting..I understand pretty much how to argue anything using any angle, theory, or perspective… could come in handy sometime in the future. So think twice before arguing with me! Well, just felt like checking in since it has been a while since I have written. I am alive and well (almost) and so excited and ready for the next couple of months!

Happily yours,

<3 Js.

when a person doesn’t sleep, a person…meaning me…. I have plenty of time to sit and think about all of the possibilities of the future…which make me scared yet excited all at once…. I can’t help but feel like something or someone good is headed into my life in the near future….I can’t keep getting dealt crappy hands in life over and over again… There is a breaking point that eventually I will reach and things will start looking up again. I am sustained by these thoughts and possibilities…

anxiously yours,

<3 Js.

I feel unsettled to my core right now. Last week was such a good week for me. Feeling accomplished, and loved and attentive and excited about life… not right now. Now I feel irritated, frustrated, pessimistic and tired of the run around that I seem to be getting. At the end of the day, I am just exhausted and lost. Not the best place to be. I know better times are ahead. The deepest valleys occur between the highest mountain peaks. It is just so frustrating making the climb. Being in limbo doesn’t help. So much to think about… being unemployed in a month, finding a new job so I can continue to make my car payments, school starting in a week, keeping the social aspects of my life in check…All to quickly things overwhelm me.

deep breathingly yours,

Js.

So each year my friends and I like to do an update on what has happened in our lives and  mark milestones in our lives (socially, educationally, hopes, dreams, work etc..) My first two years of college have flown by. I feel like I have come SO far from being that freshman stepping into FAU with so many attachments still tying me back at home. Looking back, I wish so much that I would have gone away attachment free. I can’t help but think that things may have gone differently. I learned  a LOT though…how to live with 3 other people without killing each other, how to be mean enough to get rid of an annoying roomate without doing real permanent mental or emotional damage..haha…Cheese (krissy) was crazy long before I reached her.  I do not regret however, coming home. I think I made the right choice. South Florida could never be home for me. People are too cold and distant for me to ever fit in..that just isn’t me by any stretch of the imagination. Despite letting my parents down, Valencia was a good springboard for me to really be ready to be on my own. I cannot believe we have our associates degrees already…insanity. These past two semesters have proven to be the most trying thus far. I have overcome some tough stuff…first love, first break up, first broken heart, leaving the church, returning to church, venturing out of my comfort zones and embracing things I never thought would be “for me”. I am growing for sure…stretching my beliefs and testing the limits. Sometimes things are changing too fast for me to even wrap my mind around. People slip in and out of my life faster than I can handle. I am learning to function though as an adult and how to take situations for what they are… nothing more, nothing less. Trying to do less analyzing and just accept the spontaneity of my life right now. I am excited beyond measure though, about the next steps in life. Moving out to my own place with people I enjoy…and really getting buckled down at a REAL university where I will be prepared more in depth for whatever path the rest of my life is going to take. In the past, all of these unknowns would scare me to death…but I have the constants that I need… My bestfriends at my side, my parents, a discerning nature, and Scripture and a church family that will anchor me. Bring it all on!

Excitedly yours,

<3 Js.

Something that I want for the people in my life or just people in general, is for them to realize that caring about others TRULY caring means sometimes sacrificing yourself for someone else. I have a couple of people in my life who either don’t have a heart, or just don’t know how to use the one they have. It saddens me… I am the type of person that cares about people I guess almost to a fault. It makes me sick to think that I could be caring soooo much for someone who will never be capable of giving me a tenth of the respect love and effort that I put into them… The world is an extremely selfish place and we are being fed into this idea that the only way to find success and happiness is to self indulge and be cut throat…better, faster,stronger than the next guy…even if that means sacrificing life, love and relationships to their fullest extent. Now that is enough to make me double over with nausea. I would rather love with every inch of my being for every breath and every second of life that God allows… does that mean I subject myself to misuse by other people?

<3 Js.